Hey Ya’ll

4 04 2011

You need to remove your old google reader subscription and add http://www.kosherporkchops.com to it again. Sorry about that. HOORAY NEW HOSTS! Am I right? Yeah, I’m right.

A Note From the Management

3 04 2011

If you notice things getting a little wonky around here, it’s because I am switching platforms. Bear with me, please. To make up for this inconvenience, here is a shiba inu puppy live webcam.


A Sign from Jim Beam

3 04 2011
Two halves of homemade apple cider donuts

Image via Wikipedia

I don’t normally drink. I mean, since becoming a Sunday school teacher and my stress issues developed, I have started drinking more. But still not on the Penn State College Freshman Level.

Last fall, some friends and I went on a haunted hay ride. Before we went on this haunted hay ride, we taste tested some homemade hard apple cider (for those of you in the south, this is more commonly referred to as MOONSHINE. We were dunking homemade donuts into moonshine and then decided to go on a hay ride.)

So, we get on the haunted hay ride. It’s no secret that I frighten easily. And that went I am scared I either a) run, b) pee myself, or c) both. (Ahh, my not-so-secret shame.) I am not sure why I thought getting drunk and going on a haunted hay ride was a good idea for someone like me (aka someone liable to pee themselves and then have to marinate in my own waste during a 3 hour car ride back to Chicago) but I did it anyhow.

We go into the corn field, and some dude jumps out dressed like Ichabod Crane, and I get up all frightened. The one rule to hay rides (drunken, haunted, or otherwise) is YOU DO NOT STAND UP, IDIOT.

I literally fall off the wagon.

The whole hay ride is silent, and I am laying on my back on the ground, looking up at the wagon. And a little old lady peaks over the side at me and says “Honey, I think this may be a sign. You literally fell off the wagon.”


Things I am Working On This Month

31 03 2011
  • Being a good Sunday school teacher (this is an ongoing process. Most weeks this translates into “Just don’t slap anyone”)
  • Getting the official outline down on paper for my next book
  • A public art installation. This will be my first one in a decade. I am not nervous in the slightest bit, which makes me question if I am normal.
  • Developing an Android App.
  • Writing a paper.
  • Marketing ideas for this blog, or if it is even worth marketing this blog (no ads = no revenue, so why market?)
  • Contemplating moving this blog to a platform that would allow me to slap ads all over everything and GOUGE GOUGE GOUGE your eyes for my profit.
  • Making a coffee table out of scrap wood that has been sanded and polished up and books.
  • Buying a scanner so I can scan in my sketches for my super awesome book-coffee-table.

Instead, here is a generic picture that is (almost) what I am talking about:

Also, I wrote down a checklist for all the chores I have to do to have my house to a “Beth Level” or “Code Red” level of clean.

“Beth Level” and “Code Red” are levels of clean that Eric and I use to distinguish how clean the house needs to be for a certain event. “Beth Level” is named after our friend Beth (not her real name, fwiw) who was/is the cleanest person. Ever. On the planet.

Here are our levels, in descending order:

Beth Level – Hospital Clean. Or the Pope is coming to dinner clean.

Parent’s Level – No trash lying about, one glass or two in the sink, everything picked up and clean.

Normal Level – Sink with some dishes, some laundry in the hamper, garbage half-way full, normal living conditions.

H-Bomb – Appropriate for one day, but the house needs to be cleaned soon.

Cats – This refers to the smell a really gross house has where it smells like litter box even though you do not own any cats. DON’T ACT LIKE YOUR HOUSE HASN’T GOTTEN TO THIS POINT TOO.

Anyway, so I write down all of these chores, and then I write down how much time I think I spend doing each of these chores. And I figure out that it takes one person cleaning five and a half hours to get my place to a Beth level of clean. Thank goodness for Eric, that’s all I’ve got to say.

And that is – all I have to say, I mean. Til next time kiddos…

Meetings, Nothing But Meetings

29 03 2011

Whenever I am at work, and someone looks at me with that “I-hate-you” or “could-you-be-any-more-stupid” look, this is pretty much what runs through my head:

For the record, it makes me feel like .0003% better.

Links: Food

27 03 2011

Photo courtesy of joythebaker.com

It has come to my attention recently that I read a lot of food blogs. Well, I have always known that I read a lot of food blogs, but I guess what I am saying is that it recently came out to my friends just how many I actually read?

Can I come out bowling tonight? Nope, I am busy reading 4000 food blogs while I eat a can of frosting with my fingers.

(I wish I had just made that sentence up as a joke.)

Anyhoo, without further ado (or shame. So much shame) here are the food blogs I subscribe to:

101 Cookbooks – lots and lots of veggie recipes here. You know, ones that don’t suck.

2 Stews – Frenchy and Delicious

Andrea Meyers – cooking and gardening? Hello darlin! Sign me up!

Anthimeria – Just everything I look for in a food blog.

Budget Bites – If you ever wanted to know how much per plate some kickass recipe costs, this is the place to go.

Butter + Cream – This blog’s tagline should read “Why Enna has a spare tire.”

Cannelle et Vanille – This food is just wholesome. Seriously. One of my favorite blogs.


Chocolate & Zucchini – THIS BLOGGER MADE CHICKEN IN BREAD. INSIDE BREAD. How is there not an award for that?

Coconut and Lime – Great recipes. And the blog title makes me want a cocktail.

Confections of the Serial Baker – Mainly sweet things, for your sweet thang.

Craving Chronicles – Yup. I crave these things. All of them.

Diamonds for Dessert – The classiest looking shit you will ever bake. Ever.

Ezra Pound Cake – Makes my mouth happy.

Hilah Cooking – Simple and effective.

Homesick Texan – Apparently Texans eat like Chicagoans – way too much food at one time.

Just Jenn – Food that is way too adorable and tasty.

Joy the Baker – I often want to drive to her house (all blogger-stalker-like) and slap the shit out of her for posting that recipe for her cinnamon pull-apart bread. I make that all the time now, and when I am not making it, I am thinking about it. Dammit Joy, I am getting nothing done anymore.

La Tartine Gourmande – This blog makes me just feel happy. Very wholesome food.

Raw Epicurean – Great link for those of you who, like me, occasionally get a harebrained idea about going all vegan. Then you remember that cheese exists and it’s (quite rightly) all over.

Salt & Fat – OH. MY. STARS. Y’ALL. Just…yes, that’ll do, pig.

Shutterbean – the most aptly named food blog in history.

Smitten Kitchen – this blogger is in cahoots with Joy to make me get diabetes.

Tartelette – Random fact about this blog: I had a dream that I named my first born after it. I named my daughter Tartelette Charles Stein, and couldn’t understand why people kept making stripper jokes.

Tastes Like Home – My home tastes like brick and drywall. Apparently this blogger’s tastes like AWESOME!

The Kitchn – They post some fabulous links to recipes. And showcase some nice kitchens. (Though I am not sure who stole the ‘e’ out of their name.)

The Pioneer Woman – no blog post about food is complete without a shout out to this woman.

Seven Spoons – this blog makes me not want to wait to get a spoon to eat, let alone seven.

What Katie Ate – Not for those of you with slow connection speeds. Apparently Katie enjoys not just eating, but very high-res photos.

Vanilla Sugar – Girl, you know what I like. And apparently what I like has 3500 calories in one sitting in it.

Yummy Supper – Suppers should be yummy. This blog makes it so.


Sadly, this is not all the food blogs I subscribe to, but these are definitely the ones I pull recipes from the most often. Now excuse me, I have a can of caramel frosting a’callin’ me…

Well, They Really Do Know Me

24 03 2011

Have you tried Etsy’s Taste Test? I did, and this is what it pulled up for me:


I am astonished. I have never, ever seen someone/something get my tastes so accurately. I actually want to buy pretty much all of that.



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